How does it feel starting from scratch at twenty six?
There’s still a renewed sense of enthusiasm but it fades on and off. There’s an ache, a desire to sit back and actually lead a life you’ve always wanted to. To detach from everyone just for a fresh start? Maybe, feels a little liberating too. But the fear does not go away. There’s tons of reflections and contemplation. Some nights are harder than others. Sometimes, the act of working on oneself gets frustrating when you fail to see results in deadlines you set for yourself.
There is a nagging feeling, that every step I’ve taken in the last nine years, since I left home for the first time, has been a step in the wrong direction. Having been blessed with meeting so many amazing people, and yet failing to live up to standards you set for yourself, in initial meetings with them. It is not necessarily a fun train of thought to travel.
Feeling like there exists an option to go back on your decision is a blessing and a curse. Why does so much doubt creep up with every decision I’m meant to take? But there’s one thing I’m certain of. There cannot be going forward without an attempt to fix the mistakes of your past. So that needs to be carried along.ย
Studying for a job requires copious amounts of caffeine. That does not help with a good night’s sleep. Lack of a good night’s sleep can ruin the study session the next morning. So you’re stuck in a deadlock again.
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Took a few days off but I have reached a decent point in my journey. I need to get through some final lessons and I can finally start working on mini projects. Resuming gym will be an important factor. As mentioned above, fixing sleep is a priority. The next few days (until Sunday), will be focused on that.
- At least 3 hours of study time
- 3 gym sessions per week
- Hit the bed at 1 AM.
These are the non-negotiables. I am about to finish the Elon Musk biography by Walter Isaacson. Atomic Habits is nearing completion too. Had my first therapy session this week.
Hopefully, I will have a better, more fleshed out article to write at the end of this week.
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